The Birds and the—what were those things called again daddy?

This bee thing has been getting under my skin for a long fucking time now.  I don’t know if this is true, but my grandma told me that Einstein once said, “Humans will be around as long as the bees are.”  Makes sense to me.  Originally they (yeah, they, as in whoever the fuck gets money from whoever the fuck to do studies on this shit) originally thought that it was the cell phone radiation.  So now I read this new article where they are saying that it’s some bee virus possibly imported from Israel.  Yeah, that’s about right, leave it to the Jews to wipe humanity off the face of the earth. 

I think we need to rethink this whole globalization thing.  Truthfully I’m surprised that we haven’t spawned some crazy mutated bacteria that evolved because some pill popping, white trash, red-neck decided to use his mom’s expired vag anti-biotic after he caught some weird strain of herpes that mutated while living in the asshole of his under aged-first-cousin-once-removed girlfriend.

I saw a picture of the exit off of the highway from my house taken in 1963.  How depressing.  Nothing but beautiful farmland.  The picture had a time of 4:30 pm on it.  There was a lone car on the road going across the bridge.  Try going to that same fucking exit now-a-days around 4:30.  Nothing but cars packed bumper to bumper, spewing exhaust in the air.  That’s right people, we are now averaging 150 horse power per person on the roads.  Any idea how much horse power it takes to propel a person at the speed of 65 mph?  15.  Yeah, fucking 15 horsepower can easily get a person to work and back at a reasonable speed.I mean, don’t get me wrong, nothing gets my dick hard faster than seeing my gas guzzling Cayenne pulling a big phat gas guzzling wakeboard boat for a combined MPG of 11.  But do I drive the motherfucker to work everyday?  No!  Truthfully, I blame the oil companies and the politicians that gargle their cum. 

In 1933, Roosevelt introduced “The New Deal”, and the critics went ballistic. People called him a socialist.  But guess what?  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Got us out of the depression didn’t it?  (Yes assholes, I am aware that WWII was mostly responsible for that, but it was helping and the economy was recovering slowly)  We need some desperate measures now.  The pinnacle of human gas mileage occurred in 1987, at 22.1 mpg.  Since then we have been hovering steadily between 20 and 22.  What does this mean you ask?  It fucking means that we aren’t making very much progress technologically in this area, and since humans seem to think it’s a good idea to double their world population every  100 years, the problem is getting exponentially worse. 

Every industry, computers, medicine, construction, farming, etc., has made leaps and bounds technologically, except for the internal combustion engine industry.  Meanwhile, the oil companies are taking record profits.  WTF?!?  Anyone else see the problem here?  What we need is politician, or a group of politicians that will start thinking outside of the box.  How about forcing the big oil companies to invest larger portions in alternate energy R&D instead of just drilling for more oil?  Ever thought of that dickwads?  Meanwhile BP has commercials on TV about how they are so good for the environment because they increased the natural gas supply in the US.  Ummm….ok, so your artificially increasing the supply for a non-renewable resource…how does this help things in the long run?  100 years from now when all of the oil is gone and the west isn’t dumping trillions of dollars of oil money into the mid-east, wtf do you people think is going to happen?  Probably the same thing that happened 100 years ago, the Arabs are going to be running around the desert fighting like Michael Vicks house pets.  Except that, this time, they are going to have nuclear weapons instead of arrows and slingshots. 

Seriously though, globalization, commercialization, democratization, nuclearization, pollutionalization (I am aware that this isn’t a word, don’t comment about it assholes) all this shit needs to go.  I seriously worry that I am going to take my kids to the lake someday and it is going to be either dried up or closed because how badly we have wrecked the environment.  I mean, I love cell phones and video games, and all of the great technology stuff that goes along with corporate America, but whose idea was it that every mother-fucker that can afford to slap $9.99 a month down on their high interest, debt-ridden credit card has to have one? Don’t even get me started on American credit and the sub-prime lending industry.  These assholes sell loans to idiots that can’t even balance a fucking check book, let alone have any business buying a house, and then wonder where their business model went bad after they are trying to dump foreclosed houses in an already weak housing market.  Hey, Matt, remember when you scoffed at me when we were in college and I told you that credit cards would someday be the downfall of America?  Yeah, fuck you buddy. =P We shall see who was right in the end won’t we?

As I know many of you look to The4ngryG4mer for guidance in such trying times as these, and as always, I will offer my solutions to solving the world’s problems.  First, we need to get rid of advertising.  My friend Tracy calls it “turd polish”.  And when you think about it, she is pretty much right.  Corporations selling products to people that they really don’t need, just because they can.  Why?  To grow business…make money….blah blah blah.  So if advertising grows business, and  we get rid of advertising, how does the economy grow?  Guess what cock bags, the economy only needs to grow if we are trying to keep up with all the other growing economies, or we are trying to keep up with our growing population.  So, maybe…just maybe, all you fucking asshats out there should just STOP PUMPING OUT KIDS. Seriously, if I see one more dirty ass fat kid with 5 siblings living in a double-wide having “Wal-Mart Day” with the family, I’m going to snap.  If, everyone just had one kid we could cut the population in half in like 75 years, reduce the strain on the environment, and increase the chances of our survival on this fragile rock. 

I got 4 words for you…BACK-DOOR-NO-BABY!