Anger Issues

As many of you might have figured out, The4gryG4mer has some severe anger management issues.  I hate losing.  I hate losing so fucking bad I have broken countless controllers, punched holes in numerous walls and even destroyed a ping pong table or two.  I’m that guy you can’t stand to play games like Halo or Gears of War with because if I lose and you are on my team, you are going to hear about how badly you suck two-thirds of the way into the next match. 

It doesn’t help with all these fucking ways that people come up with to gloat about their win either.  I can honestly tell you that I have had to buy an XBox controller and spackle a wall in the same night after being humped by some faggot-little-noob-high-schooler for all 30 seconds of the bleed out time because my teammates quit and I had to finish out the game 4 on 1 while playing ranked matches on Gears of War.  What is it with this generation of little fuck-heads?  Mommy and Daddy buy them an XBox and a game that is so rediculously graphic I wonder if I should even be playing it, and don’t even have the descency to teach them how to be a gracious winner.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m the worst loser ever.  If I lose, and your on my team, you can bet that your going to have to answer the question: “How could you be so fucking stupid?…<insert poor strategy/execution/tactic here>” But, how hard is it to be a good winner?  I mean are these fucking little turd rockets so empty inside that they have to make 8 players spend thirty seconds of their lives watching a locust hump a human with a smoke grenade stuck up his ass?  It’s like, they see someone else doing it to them, so instead of realizing what a waste of time it is, they are like “Wow, that guy was really cool, he sure did hump the hell out of me after blowing my leg off with the shotgun.  I wish I could be like him.” 

If I could invent one technology, it would be to allow me to travel through the internet.  I swear to god the world would be such a better place.  I can just see it now, four little brats talking more shit than George W. Bush, humping me like Kobe on a white girl, and then BLAM!  I crawl out of the host’s computer screen, immediately turn off his XBox (ending the game for all four of the little homos) and within seconds standing over a wimpering, bludgened, bloody and bruised body asking “Still think it’s cool to antagonize poeple when you win because you had an unfair advantage?”  Then the little toolbag has to go to school the next day.  “Holy shit man, what happened to you last night, we were laughing at The4ngryG4mer and then you just logged out?  Whoa man, you look like you just got the shit beat out of you!”  “Yeah, I can’t play Gears anymore guys, The4ngryG4mer smashed my XBox, I guess it’s really not that funny to hump people when you win.”

 LOL!  OMG, my fantasy.  Anyways, it doesn’t even stop here.  This new technology could be applied to so many things.  World of Warcraft for example.  Here is a game where people spend hundreds of hours of their lives leveling a character just so they can go back make life a living hell for anyone and everyone of inferior dorky-ness.  They always have these clever little guild names like, Id Mana Tap That, or Evil Empire or whatever else someone with no job, social life or marketable skill could spend 17 hours a days coming up with.  The most annoying thing about these losers is that they use in-game emotes to communicate with you.  Instead of simply asking “Can you conjure me some water?”, it has to be, “Zeia looks thirsty, maybe you have a drink?”  AAAAAHHH!  Can you feel my pain here?  I would love to crawl through their computer screens, beat the living fucking shit out of them, and put up an away message like “Zeia can’t talk right now because he was camping The4ngryG4mer and got the shit beat out of him.  Sorry.” 

Some of you may be thinking, “But 4ngryG4mer, what happens if the guy on the other screen is more of a badass than you?”  Pffffff, let me just say, not likely.  I can personally garauntee each and everyone one of you gamers out there that I promise I could beat your ass.  Seriuosly, Chuck Liddel, if you play Halo/Gears/WoW, I could beat your ass, so you better think twice about trying to make my gaming life miserable just because you have some free time and your bored.  Go jerk off or something.  Better yet, try seeing how many seconds you can hold on to a brick before letting go and swimming to the surface.

Well, I’m going to go work on my internet traveling device…..in the mean time, start learning how to be gracious winners you toolbags.