Recently I’ve been reading more and more advice from complete asshats about what a desperate housewife/girlfriend who is married/living with/dating a significant other with a severe WoW (World of Warcraft) addiction can do to get some desperately needed attention. These internet columns that give life advice always crack me up. For the record, if you’re looking for advice about money/love/career on Yahoo, none of those life categories will be improving anytime soon, so you should probably just save yourself the misery that is the rest of your life and slit your wrists right now. However, as The4ngryG4mer is not completely heartless, and for those of you insistent on being imparted with his infinite knowledge and wisdom, I’ll help you out.
First off, don’t believe the bullshit. Advice like, “suggest a board game you both can play” or “try planning an outside activity” is fucking crap and it won’t work. Either suggestion will almost instantaneously be met with 1 million reasons why he doesn’t want or can’t do either of those things. Why you ask? Mostly because board games should be renamed bored games and outside activities with a girl you already have in the sac is like asking an NFL player to toss a football with a retarded kid.
Before you fire up the google search engine and continue to try and fix your utterly pathetic life via the internet, here’s some advice that would really work. You have to beat the enemy (Blizzard, company that created WoW) at their own game. Don’t understand what I mean? Well, the reason WoW is so addictive is because the whole game revolves around repetitive, mundane, mindless tasks that you have to do over and over again in order to gain items that bring you pleasure by making your character in the game more powerful. Just when the majority of people have completed those mindless tasks, Blizzard puts out a new update and all the sudden the bar is raised. Then everyone who was way behind is nearly caught up and all the dorks that were way ahead suddenly have to work their asses off to make sure that their character remains superior. Still having trouble figuring out how to translate what I’m saying into action? Ok, I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say your name is Andrea. Create something abstract called Andrea Reputation. Then get a long piece of printer paper and tape it up to the wall behind your bed. This is your “Reputation Progress Bar”. When Johnny-WoW-Addict starts paying attention when you talk, takes you out on dates, gives you a foot rub, etc, you color in some more of the bar. When the bar is full, you give him the piece of paper that he can either turn in now for a small reward, OR save up a bunch of them to turn in for a large reward. Then, once you have him used to the idea, you can further manipulate him by offering “Double Reputation Days” on the days when you really want him to spend time with you.
It will work, trust me, if he plays WoW, he IS REALLY THAT DUMB.
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Tags: addiction, advice, World of Warcraft
